that horrible “what am i doing with my life” feeling is back. it’s been a year since i finished my degree and i feel like complete shit cause i haven’t done anything with it in that year. i don’t know what i’m doing anymore, I don’t know if i even want to.. i don’t even know. this is the worst feeling. i don’t feel good about myself or anything i’m doing. i thought once i got out of high school i’d have more of a drive for life and studying and doing… things but a lot of the time i’d prefer to lie in bed and not have to think about life and how scary it is and how i’m not ready and i don’t know if i ever will be. i don’t feel like i’m living life properly. i feel like i have no enthusiasm or drive for anything. i don’t feel talented enough or good enough or anything enough. i’m just sitting here in front of a laptop, not doing anything … important with my life. 

i hate this feeling so much. it has the power to consume me and take control over me and make me feel helpless and useless. i don’t know what to do anymore. i don’t know what i’m going to do or if this is going to get any better next year. i really hate this feeling.